Greenford Baptist Church

Text: Ladies and Gentlemen,

Many thanks for your emails last year.

• My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me email "forwards" over the past 12 months.
• Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.
• Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes - cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.
• Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
• Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink a well known brand of Cola because I know it can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing characteristic.
• I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with HIV.
• I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
• I no longer go to shopping centres because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
• I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
• Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
• I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on the internet who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
• I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special on-line email program.

So from the bottom of my heart I thank you.

Best regards,